How do you feel when you hear from your partner, “We need to talk”? Do you feel excited or anxious? Many of us become anxious and defensive. We start to establish our points in mind after hearing these words. So, when the actual conversation begins, we can not fully participate and communicate effectively. We understand communicating our feelings and emotions is not an easy task. But, we also know that by communicating properly, we can avoid many unwanted things in our relationships. So, what stops us from having a peaceful and effective conversation? How can we restructure our approach to handle difficult conversation and communicate with our partner or anybody in a positive and constructive way? Let’s understand-
Question:
It may be difficult to have a conversation when you are _________________.
I. Focused
II. Calm
III. Anxious
IV. Relaxed
Correct Answer:
III. Anxious
Explanation:
When you are anxious, your mind gets filled with fear. You are worried more about the outcome of the conversation than actually focusing in the conversation. You may have your insecurities or may familiar with the possible bad outcome that hurts you. So, you don’t want to participate in the conversation and that makes it a difficult conversation.
How to Positively Tackle a Difficult Conversation?
Understand the Challenges
Sometimes, when you know the topic of the discussion and you don’t want to discuss on that topic, it becomes a difficult conversation before the actual conversation starts. Another major challenge is the person you are going to have conversation with. When you know that the person communicates in a disrespectful or arrogant way or often gets emotionally outburst, you may find it difficult to communicate with them. Sometimes, you can be in a situation that may affect you having a good conversation. Knowing and understand these challenges will help you identify the reason behind a difficult conversation and find an effective way to tackle these challenges.
Prepare Yourself
Despite all these challenges, if one thing stops us from positively tackling a difficult conversation is our fear to face the challenges. You have to manage your fear and be focused, clear, and empathetic. Understand that sometimes tears can bring relief to a person. If they start crying in the middle of the conversation, don’t get hurt or angry easily. Show empathy, give them some space, and then come back later to discuss on that topic. Above all, you must understand the purpose and importance of the conversation. Prepare yourself and plan your conversation for the productive outcome.
Steps to Communicate Effectively in Difficult Conversation
- Step 1: In a difficult conversation, you should start the conversation acting like a curious person. Your presence should look like you are attentive and curious to learn about the other person’s point of view. Listen carefully to them and watch their body language to understand their values and priorities.
- Step 2: Once the other person is finished talking their points, first acknowledge that you have understood their points and some of their points are valid. Address your weaknesses and offences, and then present your points. For instance, you may say, “ I realize I am getting a bit reactive and I think it’s because you criticize me a lot on this topic”.
- Step 3: When your partner has expressed all their views on this topic, now it’s time to remind them what they missed. Explain your situation and make them understand your position.
- Step 4: When both you and your partner have expressed all your points, work together to find a useful solution. You should ask your partner for their suggestions to solve the issue. Then, explain what might work best for you. Find a suitable solution for both of you.
Follow these steps and remember it’s not about winning the conversation and it’s about finding a long-term sustainable solution through a respectful and effective conversation.
